The first Saturday in December

A few weeks my mom told me that she thinks this holiday season - our 2nd since my dad died - is harder than last year. I'm not really sure why, but I feel the same way. Today is a harder day than usual because it was supposed to be Our Day.

My dad loved to give nice gifts for people (he wasn't good at expressing his feelings in words so he tried to use nice gifts to convey the message) but he was not good at picking them out. Each year on the first Saturday in December he and I would go out and have Our Day. I had to fix my hair (curl, straighten, whatever just as long as it wasn't what he called "Marge Simpson hair" - my dad had some quirky things about him and one of them was that he didn't like to go places with me unless I fixed my hair...I still don't really understand it and I can't explain it so I'm not going to try) and then we would head out in search of the perfect gifts. I picked; he paid. (And then I wrapped them and signed his name to the tag)

After our day of shopping we would always go out to eat - just the two of us, which was literally something that only happened this one day a year. My dad and I didn't have a perfect relationship. In fact, at times it was really rocky. But on those days we really put all that aside and just had a good time.

The first Saturday in Decemeber 2007 - our last Christmas season together - he and I headed out for Our Day like usual. But for some reason, we could not find anything that we both loved. I mean nothing. Not one gift for one person. Money was a little tighter than usual that year. My dad usually worked lots of overtime and used all of that money for Christmas. For some reason in 2007 his company didn't have many overtime hours to give. Finding gifts that fit into the new budget but were still up to my dad's standards was hard. Really hard. By the end of the day we were both frustrated and beginning to get on each other's nerves. Around dinner time my dad suggested we just quit and go get something to eat. I'm not sure whose idea it was but somehow we came to the decision that we both wanted to eat steak and lobster...and so we did. He made me promise not to tell my mother that we were spending our family's Christmas money on a nice dinner for us and I didn't - until I told this story at his memorial service. Thinking back, it really wasn't very nice that we spent a chunk of the Christmas money on dinner for just the two of us but today, on the first Saturday of December in the second Christmas season without my dad, I am really, really glad that we had that time together. And really glad that I have that memory.